T. R. Smith, comp. Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse. 1921–22.
The Slow Men of London
Anonymous(From Pills to Purge Melancholy, 1709) |
THERE dwelt a Widow in this Town, | |
That was both Fair and Lovely; | |
Her Face was comely neat and brown, | |
To Pleasure she would move thee: | |
Her lovely Tresses shined like Gold, | 5 |
Most neat is her Behaviour; | |
For truth it has of late been told, | |
There’s many strove to have her. | |
There were three Young Men of this Town; | |
Slow Men of London; | 10 |
And they’d go Woo the Widow Brown, | |
Because they would be undone. | |
The one a Taylor was by Trade, | |
An excellent Occupation; | |
But Widows’ Love doth waste and fade, | 15 |
I find by observation: | |
The second was a Farrier bold, | |
A Man of excellent Metal; | |
His Love to her was never cold, | |
So firm his Thoughts did settle, There were, etc. | 20 |
The third a Weaver was that came, | |
A Suitor to this Widow; | |
Her Beauty did his Heart inflame, | |
Her Thoughts deceit doth shadow, | |
Widows can dissemble still, | 25 |
When Young Men come a Wooing; | |
Yet they were guided by her Will, | |
That proved to their undoing. There were three, etc. | |
This Widow had a dainty Tongue, | |
And Words as sweet as Honey; | 30 |
Which made her Suitors to her throng, | |
Till they had spent their Money: | |
The Taylor spent an Hundred Pound, | |
That he took up on Credit; | |
But now her Knavery he hath found, | 35 |
Repents that are he did it. There were three, etc. | |
Threescore Pounds the Farrier had, | |
Left him by his Father; | |
To spend this Money he was mad, | |
His Dad so long did gather: | 40 |
This Widow often did protest, | |
She loved him best of any; | |
Thus would she swear, when she did least, | |
To make them spend their Money. There were three, etc. | |
The Weaver spent his daily gains, | 45 |
That he got by his Labour; | |
Some thirty Pounds he spent in vain, | |
He borrowed of his Neighbour: | |
She must have Sack and Muscadine, | |
And Claret brewed with Sugar: | 50 |
Each Day they feed her chops with Wine, | |
For which they all might hug her. There were three, etc. | |
THE SECOND PART She went Apparelled neat and fine, | |
People well might wonder; | |
To see how she in Gold did shine, | 55 |
Her fame abroad did thunder: | |
A watered Camlet Gown she had, | |
A Scarlet Coat belaced | |
With Gold, which made her Suitors glad, | |
To see how she was graced. There were three, etc. | 60 |
The Taylor was the neatest Lad, | |
Her Clothes were oft Perfumed; | |
Kind Entertainment still he had, | |
Till he his ’state consumed: | |
The Farrier likewise spent his ’state, | 65 |
The Weaver often kissed her: | |
But when that they in ’state were Poor, | |
They sought but still they missed her. There were three, etc. | |
The Farrier and the Weaver too, | |
Were fain to fly the City: | 70 |
The Widow did them quite undo, | |
In faith more was the pity: | |
She of her Suitors being rid, | |
A Welchman came unto her: | |
By Night and Day his suit he plied, | 75 |
Most roughly he did Woo her; | |
For wooing tricks he quite put down, | |
The Slow-men of London; | |
He over-reached the Widow Brown, | |
That had so many undone. | 80 |
He swore he was a Gentleman, | |
Well landed in the Country: | |
And lived in Reputation there, | |
His Name Sir Rowland Humphry. | |
The Widow did believe him then, | 85 |
And Love unto him granted; | |
Thus he her Favour did obtain, | |
Welchmen will not be daunted. | |
By cunning tricks he quite put down, | |
The Slow-men of London: | 90 |
That came to Woo this Widow Brown, | |
Because they would be undone. | |
The Welchman plied her Night and Day, | |
Till to his Bow he brought her; | |
And bore away the Widow quite, | 95 |
From all that ever sought her: | |
She thought to be a Lady gay, | |
But she was sore deceived: | |
Thus the Welchman did put down, | |
The Slow-men of London: | 100 |
For they would Woo the Widow Brown, | |
Because they would be undone. | |
Thus she was fitted in her kind, | |
For all her former Knavery; | |
The Welchman did deceive her Mind, | 105 |
It had been better she had ta’en, | |
The Weaver, Smith, or Taylor; | |
For when she sought for State and Pomp, | |
The Welchman quite did fail her: | |
Then learn you Young Men of this Town, | 110 |
You Slow-men of London: | |
Which way to take the Widow Brown, | |
For least you all be undone. | |