T. R. Smith, comp. Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse. 1921–22.
The Husband-Confessor
By Jean de La Fontaine (1621–1695)(From Tales and Novels, 1764) WHEN Francis (named the first) o’er Frenchmen reigned, | |
| In Italy young Arthur laurels gained, | |
| And oft such daring valour showed in fight, | |
| With ev’ry honour he was made a knight; | |
| The monarch placed the spur upon his heel, | 5 |
| That all around his proper worth might feel. | |
| Then household deities at home he sought, | |
| Where—not at prayers his beauteous dame he caught. | |
| He’d left her, truly, quite dissolv’d in tears; | |
| But now the belle had bid adieu to fears; | 10 |
| And oft was dancing joyously around, | |
| With all the company that could be found. | |
| Gallants in crowds Sir Arthur soon perceived; | |
| At sight of these the knight was sorely grieved; | |
| And, turning in his mind how best to act; | 15 |
| Cried he, Can this be truly held a fact, | |
| That I’ve been worthy, while I’d fame in view, | |
| Of cuckoldom at home, and knighthood too? | |
| It ought to be but half:—the truth let’s know; | |
| From constancy the purest blessings flow. | 20 |
| Then like a father-confessor he dressed, | |
| And took his seat where priests their flock confessed. | |
| His lady absolution sought that day, | |
| And on her knees before him ’gan to pray; | |
| The minor sins were told with downcast eyes, | 25 |
| And then for hearing those of larger size, | |
| The husband-confessor prepared his ears:— | |
| Said she, Good father, (’mid a flood of tears), | |
| My bed received, (the fault I fear’s not slight,) | |
| A gentleman, a parson, and a knight. | 30 |
| Still more had followed, but, by rage o’ercome, | |
| Sir Arthur cut the thread, and she was mum; | |
| Though, doubtless, had the fair been let proceed, | |
| Quite long her Litany had been decreed. | |
| The husband, in a rage, exclaimed, thou jade, | 35 |
| A parson, say’st thou? t’whom dost think thou’st made | |
| This curst confession?—To my spouse, cried she, | |
| I saw you enter here, and came with glee, | |
| Supposing you’d a trick to raise surprise; | |
| Howe’er, ’tis strange that one so very wise, | 40 |
| The riddle should not fully comprehend:— | |
| A KNIGHT, the king created you, my friend; | |
| A GENTLEMAN, your rank was long ago; | |
| A PARSON, you have made yourself you know. | |
| Good heav’ns! exclaimed the knight, ’tis very clear, | 45 |
| And I a blockhead surely must appear. | |