T. R. Smith, comp. Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse. 1921–22.
The Discontented Married Man
Roxburghe Ballads(Anonymous. From The Roxburghe Ballads, Vol. I. 1874) |
A YOUNG man lately wedded was | |
To a fair and comely creature, | |
She was a blithe and bonny Lass | |
As ere was framed by Nature, | |
With rolling eye, | 5 |
And forehead high, | |
And all good parts Nature could give her; | |
But she had learnèd such a note, | |
She could not keep her legs together. | |
A lusty youth, of Cupid’s strain, | 10 |
That might the Queen of Love contented, | |
Came unto her, her love to gain, | |
And freely she her love consented: | |
But, to be short, | |
In Cupid’s Court | 15 |
He used her well when he came thither, | |
And played his part in such an art, | |
She could not, &c. | |
When her husband he heard tell | |
Of her tricks, with true relation, | 20 |
He complainèd to himself | |
Very sadly in this fashion: | |
Quoth he, “I would give twenty pound, | |
[And] that’s ten more than I had with her, | |
Her mother would take her home again, | 25 |
And make her keep her,” &c. | |
“Son, be thou of patient mind, | |
Let not thoughts thy fancies trouble; | |
For I to thee will still prove kind, | |
And her portion I will double,— | 30 |
Time and age | |
Will assuage, | |
And the fairest flower will wither, | |
And I such counsel will her give | |
Shall make her keep her legs together.” | 35 |
Henceforth, therefore, I’ll forsake her, | |
And her mother [she] shall take her; | |
And, for shame! let her better make her, | |
Or I again will never take her. | |
Pure modesty she doth defy, | 40 |
(Besides, she’s fickle as the weather), | |
And her scolding plainly shows | |
She cannot keep her legs together. | |
Then I’ll leave off to find another, | |
Though’t may add unto my lustre, | 45 |
For brave spacious England wide | |
I am sure affords a cluster; | |
Good and bad | |
Are to be had; | |
Jove speed me well! though long I tarry, | 50 |
For, ere that I’ll have such a Mate | |
I never more intend to marry. | |
THE SECOND PART SHE is gone a wand’ring forth | |
(Wanton wenches will be ranging) | |
With two gallants of great worth: | 55 |
Such as they affect a changing. | |
She is bent | |
To consent | |
For to go she knows not whether: | |
They will teach her such a trick | 60 |
She will not keep her legs together. | |
To the Dancing-school she goes, | |
(There she spends her husband’s treasure), | |
On each Shoe she wears a Rose, | |
For to show she’s fit for pleasure; | 65 |
And resort | |
To Cupid’s Court, | |
And no sooner she comes thither, | |
She learns so much of that same sport, | |
She cannot keep her legs together. | 70 |
To the Tavern she repairs, | |
Whilst her husband sits and muses, | |
There she domineers and swears, | |
(’Tis a thing she often uses!), | |
And, being fine, | 75 |
She, for wine, | |
Will both pawn her hat and feather; | |
Which doth show that it is true | |
She cannot keep her legs together. | |
He’s a Coxcomb that doth grieve | 80 |
And knows not how to court this creature, | |
For he may pin her to his sleeve, | |
She is of so kind a nature: | |
She will play | |
Every way, | 85 |
And is as nimble as a feather, | |
But she will often go astray, | |
She cannot keep her legs together. | |
Thou that hast a wife that’s civil, | |
Love her well and make much of her; | 90 |
For a woman that is evil | |
All the town, thou seest, will scoff her. | |
Love thy wife | |
As thy life, | |
Let her not go thou know’st not whither; | 95 |
For you will always live in strife | |
If she keep not her legs together. | |
Maidens fair, have a care | |
Whom you love and whom you marry; | |
Love not those that jealous are, | 100 |
Longer you had better tarry; | |
For offence | |
Springs from hence— | |
You will go you know not whether, | |
Till you lose both wit and sense, | 105 |
And cannot keep your legs together. | |