T. R. Smith, comp. Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse. 1921–22.
The Cowardly Clown of Flanders Cuckolded
Anonymous(From Collection of Old Ballads, 1723) |
AN HONEST Man as I am told, | |
| He was a Cuckold made; | |
| With his sweet Wife, a Spaniard bold, | |
| The wanton Frolick plaid. | |
| I’ll tell you how it came to pass, | 5 |
| If you’ll attend a while; | |
| A Guinea to a single Groat, | |
| This Song will make you smile. | |
| In Flanders fair, a simple Clown, | |
| As he travelling had been; | 10 |
| Bringing his Wife in Company, | |
| Came late unto his Inn: | |
| A Spanish Soldier being there, | |
| A Guest unto the Place. | |
| No sooner saw, but liked his Wife; | 15 |
| She had a comely Face. | |
| Her Cheeks for curious Red and White | |
| The like is seldom seen; | |
| All over charming Beauty bright, | |
| And of a courteous Mien; | 20 |
| The Soldier then his Weapon drew, | |
| And stood upon his Guard, | |
| And vowed he’d have a touch or two, | |
| Or it should ’scape him hard. | |
| No Rest or Quiet could he take, | 25 |
| For Cupid’s loud Alarms: | |
| Free Plunder he resolved to make | |
| Of her Delightful Charms. | |
| He watched when they were gone to Bed, | |
| Then boldly in comes he, | 30 |
| And never said, Friend, by your leave, | |
| But made their Number three. | |
| He clasped her round her tender waist, | |
| And fairly fell to work; | |
| She had not oft been so embraced, | 35 |
| He pleased her at a Jerk: | |
| The Clown lay still and felt a stir, | |
| But durst not speak for’s Life: | |
| At length his Patience was so moved, | |
| He softly jogged his Wife. | 40 |
| And said to her prithee intreat | |
| The Spaniard to be still. | |
| To speak Spanish, Man, quoth she, | |
| You know I have no Skill. | |
| But Husband, if you please to rise, | 45 |
| And to the Sexton go, | |
| He understandeth Spanish well, | |
| Assuredly I know. | |
| Faith, and I’ll fetch him straight, quoth he, | |
| And so the Rustick rose, | 50 |
| And softly sneaking out o’ Door, | |
| About his Message goes: | |
| Meantime imagine what you will, | |
| To me it is unknown: | |
| But e’er her Husband came again, | 55 |
| The Spaniard he was gone. | |
| Which when the simple Man perceived, | |
| He fell to Domineer; | |
| O Wife, said he, for Twenty Pound | |
| I would he had been here, | 60 |
| This Cudgel should have thrashed his Hide | |
| Till all his Bones were broke: | |
| That I would have been satisfied, | |
| ’Cause he did me provoke. | |
| By this chastizing Hand of mine, | 65 |
| He should have felt the Smart: | |
| I know he had some base design, | |
| Which vexed me to the Heart. | |
| Tell me, Sweet heart, when I was gone, | |
| How long the Knave did stay? | 70 |
| Quoth she, You scarce was out of Doors | |
| Before he ran away. | |
| Wife, quoth the Clown, thou mak’st me laugh, | |
| That I did fear him thus: | |
| Come let us take a little nap, | 75 |
| For his disturbing us; | |
| You see what comes of Policy, | |
| And good discretion Wife, | |
| If I had been some hasty Fool, | |
| It might have cost my Life. | 80 |
| Ah, so it might, quoth she, my Dear, | |
| ’Tis well you had that Wit, | |
| I should have died for very Fear, | |
| If you and he had fit; | |
| Come let us keep each other warm, | 85 |
| And pleasant Stories tell: | |
| Oh! as he has done me no harm, | |
| So all I hope is well. | |