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Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936). Verse: 1885–1918. 1922.

Army Headquarters

AHASUERUS JENKINS of the “Operatic Own,”

Was dowered with a tenor voice of super-Santley tone.

His views on equitation were, perhaps, a trifle queer.

He had no seat worth mentioning, but oh! he had an ear.

He clubbed his wretched company a dozen times a day;

He used to quit his charger in a parabolic way;

His method of saluting was the joy of all beholders,

But Ahasuerus Jenkins had a head upon his shoulders.

He took two months at Simla when the year was at the spring,

And underneath the deodars eternally did sing.

He warbled like a bul-bul but particularly at

Cornelia Agrippina, who was musical and fat.

She controlled a humble husband, who, in turn, controlled a Dept.

Where Cornelia Agrippina’s human singing-birds were kept

From April to October on a plump retaining-fee,

Supplied, of course, per mensem, by the Indian Treasury.

Cornelia used to sing with him, and Jenkins used to play;

He praised unblushingly her notes, for he was false as they,

So when the winds of April turned the budding roses brown,

Cornelia told her husband:—“Tom, you mustn’t send him down.”

They haled him from his regiment, which didn’t much regret him;

They found for him an office-stool, and on that stool they set him

To play with maps and catalogues three idle hours a day,

And draw his plump retaining-fee—which means his double pay.

Now, ever after dinner, when the coffee-cups are brought,

Ahasuerus waileth o’er the grand pianoforte;

And, thanks to fair Cornelia, his fame hath waxen great,

And Ahasuerus Jenkins is a Power in the State!