The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.
Mirza Fet-Ali (Mid-19th Century)The Sieve
The V
Ciba.Pray give your commands, that I may know what it is your pleasure to desire for to-night’s supper.
Viz.Viper! You have stuffed me with almonds to such a degree that it will be a month before I am able to swallow another mouthful!(Accidentally stamps on the edge of a sieve lying upon the floor. The sieve turns up sharply, and strikes his shin-bone.)Hu-hu! My leg! My leg! The infernal fools! That cursed sieve! Yes, what is that sieve doing here, you daughter of Belial?
Ciba.How should I know what it is doing here? Whenever you catch a glimpse of me you begin to bawl and quarrel immediately. Your presents go to others; I get all the abuse.(Exit.)
Viz.(shouts).Haidar!
Haid. I will tell your Excellency. This morning, at daybreak, while I was sweeping here, Kerim, the groom, came in. He had a sieve in his hand, and stopped to speak to me. He must have forgotten the sieve, and left it behind.
Viz.Then call in the camel of a groom, so that I may question him.(Exit H
Ker.Your Excellency, I came in for a moment to ask Haidar if your Excellency wished to ride out to-day. When I had asked him this, I at once took my departure.
Viz.How did your sieve get here?
Ker.I had been sifting oats for the horses, and I left it by mistake.
Viz.Why did you not come back for it?
Ker.I did not remember where I had left it. I looked for it everywhere in vain.
Viz.Then where was your head, you thief?(To H
Ker.Mercy! In the name of Allah, mercy!
Viz.May your own breath suffocate you, son of a dog!
Ker.(moaning).Oh, your Excellency, I am your willing sacrifice! I made a mistake. I acknowledge my sin. But, your Excellency, by your father’s tombstone, I beseech you to forgive me! Oh, do forgive me! I know how black my guilt is, but grant me your pardon, and by the heads of my parents I swear never to enter this room again as long as I live!
Viz.May you suffocate, you camel!
Viz.Now, beat him.(Two S
Besh.Oh! Oh! Your Excellency, I am your faithful slave! But what have I done to be punished?
Viz.(pointing to the sieve).That sieve—what is it doing in my room?
Besh.What sieve, your Excellency?
Viz.After you have had your beating I will tell you what sieve I mean.—Go on with the canes!(Two S
Besh.Oh! Mercy! Justice! I am your faithful slave, Excellency! But what have I done? I am your willing sacrifice. Only vouchsafe to impart to me in what manner I have transgressed! Kill me afterward, if I deserve it!
Viz.(to the S
Besh.Allah has created your Excellency a great sage, and how should one as lowly as I venture to compare myself against you?
Viz.(to the S
Besh.Oh, your Excellency, I am your willing sacrifice! But have mercy upon me this once! It shall never happen again!
Viz.(to the S
Besh.(after being released).Yes, your Excellency, count upon my word.
Viz.Then you may go.
Ker.(aside).Allah be praised!