The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.
Francis Hopkinson (17371791)The Battle of the Kegs
G
Trill forth harmonious ditty,
Strange things I’ll tell which late befell
In Philadelphia city.
Just when the sun was rising,
A soldier stood on a log of wood,
And saw a thing surprising.
The truth can’t be denied, sir,
He spied a score of kegs or more
Come floating down the tide, sir.
This strange appearance viewing,
First damned his eyes, in great surprise,
Then said, “Some mischief’s brewing.
Packed up like pickled herring;
And they’re come down to attack the town,
In this new way of ferrying.”
And scared almost to death, sir,
Wore out their shoes, to spread the news,
And ran till out of breath, sir.
Most frantic scenes were acted;
And some ran here, and others there,
Like men almost distracted.
But said the earth had quaked;
And girls and boys, with hideous noise,
Ran through the streets half-naked.
Lay all this time a-snoring,
Nor dreamed of harm as he lay warm,
In bed with Mrs. Loring.
Awaked by such a clatter;
He rubs both eyes, and boldly cries,
“For God’s sake, what’s the matter?”
Sir Erskine at command, sir,
Upon one foot he had one boot,
And th’ other in his hand, sir.
“The rebels—more’s the pity,
Without a boat are all afloat,
And ranged before the city.
With Satan for their guide, sir,
Packed up in bags, or wooden kegs,
Come driving down the tide, sir.
The kegs must all be routed,
Or surely we despised shall be,
And British courage doubted.”
All ranged in dead array, sir,
With stomach stout to see it out,
And make a bloody day, sir.
The small arms make a rattle;
Since wars began I’m sure no man
E’er saw so strange a battle.
With rebel trees surrounded,
The distant woods, the hills and floods,
With rebel echoes sounded.
Attacked from every quarter;
Why sure, thought they, the devil’s to pay,
’Mongst folks above the water.
Of rebel staves and hoops, sir,
Could not oppose their powerful foes,
And conquering British troops, sir.
Displayed amazing courage;
And when the sun was fairly down,
Retired to sup their porridge.
Or more, upon my word, sir,
It is most true would be too few,
Their valor to record, sir.
Against these wicked kegs, sir,
That, years to come, if they get home,
They’ll make their boasts and brags, sir.