The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.
John Godfrey Saxe (1816–1887)My Familiar
A
He’s rapping at the door!—
Too well I know the boding sound
That ushers in a bore.
I do not tremble when I meet
The stoutest of my foes,
But Heaven defend me from the friend
Who comes—but never goes!
And asks about the news;
He peers into my manuscript,
And gives his candid views;
He tells me where he likes the line,
And where he’s forced to grieve;
He takes the strangest liberties—
But never takes his leave!
Before I’ve seen a word;
He scans the lyric that I wrote
And thinks it quite absurd;
He calmly smokes my last cigar,
And coolly asks for more;
He opens everything he sees—
Except the entry door!
And tells me of his pains;
He suffers from a score of ills
Of which he ne’er complains;
And how he struggled once with death
To keep the fiend at bay;
On themes like those away he goes—
But never goes away!
Some shallow critic wrote;
And every precious paragraph
Familiarly can quote;
He thinks the writer did me wrong;
He’d like to run him through!
He says a thousand pleasant things—
But never says “Adieu!”
Disguise it as I may,
I know that, like an autumn rain,
He’ll last throughout the day.
In vain I speak of urgent tasks;
In vain I scowl and pout;
A frown is no extinguisher—
It does not put him out!
Put crape upon the door,
Or hint to John that I am gone
To stay a month or more.
I do not tremble when I meet
The stoutest of my foes,
But Heaven defend me from the friend
Who never, never goes!