The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.
Thomas Hood (17991845)Faithless Nelly Gray
B
And used to war’s alarms,
But a cannon-ball took off his legs,
So he laid down his arms.
Said he, “Let others shoot;
For here I leave my second leg,
And the Forty-second Foot.”
Said he, “They’re only pegs;
But they’re as wooden members quite
As represent my legs.”
Her name was Nelly Gray;
So he went to pay her his devours,
When he’d devoured his pay.
She made him quite a scoff;
And when she saw his wooden legs,
Began to take them off.
Is this your love so warm?
The love that loves a scarlet coat
Should be more uniform.”
For he was blithe and brave;
But I will never have a man
With both legs in the grave.
Your love I did allow,
But then, you know, you stand upon
Another footing now.”
For all your jeering speeches,
At duty’s call I left my legs
In Badajoz’s breaches.”
Of legs in war’s alarms,
And now you cannot wear the shoes
Upon your feats of arms.”
I know why you refuse—
Though I’ve no feet, some other man
Is standing in my shoes!
But now, a long farewell!
For you will be my death; alas!
You will not be my Nell.”
His heart so heavy got,
And life was such a burthen grown,
It made him take a knot.
A rope he did entwine,
And, for the second time in life,
Enlisted in the Line!
And then removed his pegs,
And, as his legs were off, of course
He soon was off his legs.
As any nail in town;
For though despair had cut him up,
It could not cut him down.
To find out why he died;
And they buried Ben in four cross-roads,
With a stake in his inside.