Advice to a Friend on Marriage

OPE! Who? A friend! What wouldst obtain?

Advice! Whereof? Is’t well to wed?

I wish to marry. What’s your pain?

No wife have I for board and bed,

By whom my house is wisely led.

One meek and fair I wish to gain,

Young, wealthy, too, and nobly bred;

You’re crazy—batter out your brain!

Consider! Grief can you sustain?

Women have tempers bold and dread;

When for a dish of eggs you’re fain,

Broth, cheese, you’ll have before you spread:

Now free, you’ll be a slave instead—

When married, you yourself have slain.

Think well. My first resolve is said;

You’re crazy—batter out your brain!

No wife will be like her you feign;

On angry words you shall be fed,

So shall you bitterly complain,

With woes too hard to bear, bested:

Better a life in forest led

Than of such beast to bear the strain.

No! The sweet fancy fills my head;

You’re crazy—batter out your brain!

Envoy

Soon you will long that you were dead

When married; seek in street or lane

Some love. No! Passion bids me wed;

You’re crazy—batter out your brain!