Bliss Carman, et al., eds. The World’s Best Poetry. 1904.
Poems of Home: III. Fun for Little FolkLimericks
Edward Lear (18121888)T
Who said, “If you choose to suppose
That my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!”
That remarkable Man with a nose.
Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;
But she seized on the Cat, and said, “Granny, burn that!
You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!”
Whose conduct was painful and silly;
He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears,
That imprudent Old Person of Chili.
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, “Does it buzz?” he replied, “Yes, it does!
It ’s a regular brute of a Bee.”
Who said, “I ’m afloat! I ’m afloat!”
When they said, “No, you ain’t!” he was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder,
Till at last with a hammer they silenced his clamor,
By smashing that Person of Buda.
Who possessed a remarkably fat cur;
His gait and his waddle were held as a model
To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her;
But they said, “Don’t you see she has run up a tree,
You invidious Old Man of Aôsta?”
Who was madly pursued by a Bear;
When she found she was tired, she abruptly expired,
That unfortunate Lady of Clare.
Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the cliff,
Which concluded that Person of Cromer.
Will nobody answer this bell?
I have pulled day and night, till my hair has grown white,
But nobody answers this bell!”
Who purchased a new pair of shoes;
When they asked, “Are they pleasant?” he said, “Not at present!”
That turbid old man of Toulouse.
Who sharpened his nails with a file,
Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly, “This comes
Of sharpening one’s nails with a file!”
Who was sadly annoyed by a Flea;
When he said, “I will scratch it!” they gave him a hatchet,
Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.
Who shut his Wife up in a box:
When she said, “Let me out,” he exclaimed, “Without doubt
You will pass all your life in that box.”
Shall I flee from this horrible Cow?
I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that Cow.”
I perceive a young bird in this bush!”
When they said, “Is it small?” he replied, “Not at all;
It is four times as big as the bush!”
Who drank when he was not athirst;
When they said, “You ’ll grow fatter!” he answered “What matter?”
That globular Person of Hurst.
Induced him to feed upon Rabbits;
When he ’d eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.
Who wore a pale plum-colored vest;
When they said, “Does it fit?” he replied, “Not a bit!”
That uneasy Old Man of the West.
Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils:
They caught several Fish, which they put in a dish,
And sent to their Pa at Marseilles.
Who casually sat in a doorway;
When the door squeezed her flat, she exclaimed, “What of that?”
This courageous Young Lady of Norway.
Whose conduct was scroobious and wily;
He rushed up a Palm when the weather was calm,
And observed all the ruins of Philæ.
Who said, “It is just as I feared!—
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren
Have all built their nests in my beard.”
Who rode on the back of a bear;
When they said, “Does it trot?”
He said: “Certainly not,
It ’s a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear.”
Who said, “Is it you? Is it you?”
When they said, “Yes, it is,” she replied only, “Whizz!”
That ungracious young lady in blue.
Whose garments were bordered with Spinach;
But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in half,
Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.
Fell casually into a kettle;
But, growing too stout, he could never get out,
So he passed all his life in that kettle.