Thomas Humphry Ward, ed. The English Poets. 1880–1918.rnVol. II. The Seventeenth Century: Ben Jonson to Dryden

John Oldham (1653–1683)

The Domestic Chaplain (from A Satire addressed to a Friend)

[From A Satire addressed to a Friend that is about to leave the University, and come abroad in the world.]

SOME think themselves exalted to the sky,

If they light in some noble family.

Diet, a horse, and thirty pounds a year,

Besides the advantage of his lordship’s ear,

The credit of the business, and the state,

Are things that in a youngster’s sense sound great.

Little the inexperienced wretch does know,

What slavery he oft must undergo,

Who, though in silken scarf and cassock dressed,

Wears but a gayer livery at best.

When dinner calls, the implement must wait,

With holy words to consecrate the meat,

But hold it for a favour seldom known,

If he be deigned the honour to sit down—

Soon as the tarts appear, Sir Crape, withdraw!

Those dainties are not for a spiritual maw.

Observe your distance, and be sure to stand

Hard by the cistern with your cap in hand;

There for diversion you may pick your teeth,

Till the kind voider comes for your relief.

For mere board wages such their freedom sell,

Slaves to an hour, and vassals to a bell;

And if the enjoyment of one day be stole,

They are but prisoners out on parole:

Always the marks of slavery remain,

And they, though loose, still drag about their chain.

And where ’s the mighty prospect after all,

A chaplainship served up, and seven years’ thrall?

The menial thing, perhaps, for a reward

Is to some slender benefice preferred,

With this proviso bound: that he must wed

My lady’s antiquated waiting-maid

In dressing only skilled, and marmalade.