T. R. Smith, comp. Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse. 1921–22.
The New-married Couple
Roxburghe BalladsOr, A friendly Debate between the Country Farmer and His Buxom Wife (Anonymous; from Vol. IV. 1883) |
“DEAR Jill, I ne’er thought until last night, | |
That Cupid hath yielded such sweet delight; | |
But when thy soft arms with mine are twined, | |
The Ivy the Oak did not closer bind; | |
Thou gav’st me sweet kisses, that might invite | 5 |
Ev’n in old shepherds a new delight; | |
Young Colin did ne’er with Myrtilla so bright, | |
Enjoy such a sweet, such a pleasing night.” | |
“My Ned,” (quoth she) “since I have thee here, | |
I will be a port for to please my dear: | 10 |
And in the soft circuit of my pale, | |
Feed either upon the high hill or dale. | |
Graze on my soft lips, if those hills be dry | |
Stray further down where fountains lie: | |
Thy doe, thy fair breeder, will always be nigh, | 15 |
To please her young wanton with Art and Eye.” | |
“Thou shalt be a banquet to my taste, | |
On which I will always delight to feast; | |
As sweet as young Colley the farmer’s cow, | |
As sweet as the hay in his barn, I vow: | 20 |
As sweet as young roses that all admire, | |
Or as May-blossoms upon the briar: | |
As sweet as blind midnight, with maiden’s desire; | |
As sweet as sack-posset by sea-coal fire.” | |
“Uds boars,” quoth Ned, “I’ll forsake my dumps, | 25 |
And briskly bestir my old hob-nail stumps; | |
The lasses shall foot it, the lads shall sing, | |
And echoes all round with our joys shall ring. | |
Doll shall leave dairy, and James brown cow, | |
And so shall brisk Roger his cart and plough, | 30 |
To meet us young Nancy and William come now: | |
We shall have rare dances and jigs enow. | |
“Though Bachelors may live merry lives, | |
Yet we will not change that have buxom wives. | |
Upon the soft pillow of their breast | 35 |
We love-sick lie warm in Cupid’s nest. | |
What though there be cuckolds, we need not fear, | |
Of wives, we always will take such care, | |
Although the brows bud, we, the horns shan’t wear, | |
To make us look noble and like the deer. | 40 |
“If Jill should within the curtains chide, | |
My antlers and head in the sheets I’ll hide; | |
And when my good housewife-pot boils o’er, | |
To cool her hot broth I’ll attempt no more. | |
It is, I confess, the depth of skill | 45 |
To lead silly women by their own will; | |
But while her tongue gallops my tongue shall lie still, | |
And thus I’ll endeavor to please Jill, Jill.” | |
“Dear Neddy,” quoth Jill, “name not things so soon, | |
With us ’tis but yet our honey-moon. | 50 |
Come, let us to please each other strive, | |
And gather like bees within our hive. | |
Thou must not be like a dull idle drone, | |
Nor mind about horns, for thou shalt have none: | |
But follow thy plow by Dobbin and Roan, | 55 |
And to my milking I’ll go with Joan.” | |
“Dear Jill, there are many old complaints; | |
All wives that look fair don’t prove all saints; | |
For many men’s wives are like the moon, | |
That alters each morning, each night and noon. | 60 |
Yet for my own part, I will never fear, | |
But shall try always to please my dear. | |
If I can, my wife will hold almost a year: | |
This riddle me riddle nine months will clear.” | |