T. R. Smith, comp. Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse. 1921–22.
Dialogue Concerning Catullus at a Harlot’s Door
By Gaius Valerius Catullus (c. 84–c. 54 B.C.)(From the Carmina; translated by Sir Richard F. Burton, 1894) |
QUINTUS O to the gentle spouse right dear, right dear to his parent, | |
| Hail, and with increase fair Jupiter lend thee his aid, | |
| Door, ’tis said wast fain kind service render to Balbus | |
| Erst while, long as the house by her old owner was held; | |
| Yet wast rumoured again to serve a purpose malignant, | 5 |
| After the elder was stretched, thou being oped for a bride. | |
| Come, then, tell us the why in thee such change be reported | |
| That to thy lord hast abjured faithfulness owèd of old? | |
DOOR Never (so chance I to please Cऐcilius owning me now-a-days!) | |
| Is it my own default, how so they say it be mine; | 10 |
| Nor can any declare aught sin by me was committed. | |
| Yet it is so declared (Quintus!) by fable of folk; | |
| Who, whenever they find things done no better than should be, | |
| Come to me outcrying all:—“Door, the default is thine own!” | |
QUINTUS This be never enough for thee one-worded to utter, | 15 |
| But in such way to deal, each and all sense it and see. | |
DOOR What shall I do? None asks, while nobody troubles to know. | |
QUINTUS Willing are we? unto us stay not thy saying to say. | |
DOOR First let me note that the maid to us committed (assert they) | |
| Was but a fraud: her mate never a touch of her had, * * * * * | 20 |
| But that a father durst dishonour the bed of his firstborn, | |
| Folk all swear, and the house hapless with incest bewray; | |
| Or that his impious mind was blunt with fiery passion | |
| Or that his impotent son sprang from incapable seed. | |
| And to be sought was one with nerve more nervous endowèd, | 25 |
| Who could better avail zone of the virgin to loose. | |
QUINTUS ’Sooth, of egregious sire for piety wondrous, thou tellest, | |
| Who in the heart of his son lief was…! | |
| Yet professed herself not only this to be knowing, | |
| Brixia-town that lies under the Cycnean cliff, | 30 |
| Traversed by Mella-stream’s soft-flowing yellow-hued current, | |
| Brixia, Vérona’s mother, I love for my home. | |
DOOR Eke of Posthumius’ loves and Cornelius too there be tattle, | |
| With whom darèd the dame evil advowtry commit. | |
QUINTUS Here might somebody ask:—“How, Door, hast mastered such matter? | 35 |
| Thou that canst never avail threshold of owner to quit, | |
| Neither canst listen to folk since here fast fixt to the side-posts | |
| Only one office thou hast, shutting or opening the house.” | |
DOOR Oft have I heard our dame in furtive murmurs o’er telling, | |
| When with her handmaids alone, these her flagitious deeds, | 40 |
| Citing fore-cited names for that she never could fancy | |
| Ever a Door was endow’d either with earlet or tongue. | |
| Further she noted a wight whose name in public to mention | |
| Nill I, lest he upraise eyebrows of carroty hue; | |
| Long is the loon and large the law-suit brought they against him | 45 |
| Touching a child-bed, false, claim of a belly that lied. | |