G. Gregory Smith, ed. Elizabethan Critical Essays. 1904.
Gabriel Harvey (c. 15451630)I. From Pierces Supererogation. 1593
[The text of I, including the ‘Aduertisement for Pap-hatchet,’ is taken from Pierce’s Supererogation or A New Prayse of the Old Asse. \ A Preparatiue to certaine Discourses, intituled Nashes S. Fame, printed at London by John Wolfe in 1593 (British Museum C. 40. d. 9). Gabriel Harvey’s preface to the book is dated July 16, 1593. The text of II will be found in Harvey’s New Letter of notable contents with a straunge Sonet, intituled Gorgon, Or the wonderfull years, also printed by Wolfe in 1593. The passage is part of the Letter ‘To my loving friend, John Wolfe, Printer to the Cittie’ (British Museum C. 40. d. 10).]
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For breuity I ouerskip many notable men and valorous Confuters in their seuerall vaines, had not affection otherwhiles swinged their reason, where reason should haue swayed their affection. But Partiality was euer the busiest Actour, and Passion the whottest Confuter, whatsoeuer plausible cause otherwise pretended: and hee is rather to bee esteemed an Angell then a man, or a man of Heauen, not of Earth, that tendereth integrity in his hart, equity in his tongue, and reason in his penne. Flesh and bloud are fraile Creatures, and partiall discoursers; but he approacheth neerest vnto God, & yeeldeth sweetest fruite of a diuine disposition, that is not transported with wrath or any blinde passion, but guided with cleere and pure Reason, the soueraigne principle of sound proceeding. It is not the Affirmatiue or Negatiue of the writer, but the trueth of the matter written, that carryeth meat in the mouth and victory in the hande. There is nothing so exceeding foolish but hath beene defended by some wise man; nor any thinge so passinge wise but hath bene confuted by some foole. Mans will no safe rule, as Aristotle sayth; good Homer sometime sleepeth; S. Augustine was not ashamed of his retractations; S. Barnard saw not all thinges; and the best chart may eftsoones ouerthrow. He that taketh a Confutation in hand must bringe the standard of Iudgement with him, & make Wisedome the moderatour of Wit.
But I might aswell haue ouerpassed the censure as the persons: & I haue to do with a party that valueth both alike, and can phansy no Autor but his owne phansy. It is neyther reason, nor rime, nor witt, nor arte, nor any imitation, that hee regardeth; hee hath builded towers of Supererrogation in his owne head; and they must stand, whosoeuer fall. Howbeit, I cannot ouerslipp some without manifest iniury, that deserue to haue their names enrolled in the first rancke of valiant Confuters; worthy men, but subiect to imperfections, to errour, to mutuall reproofe, some more, some lesse, as the manner is. Harding and Iewell were our Eschines and Demosthenes; and scarsely any language in the Christian world hath affoorded a payre of aduersaries equiualent to Harding and Iewell, two thundring and lightning Oratours in diuinity; but now at last infinitely ouermatched by this hideous thunderbolt in humanity, that hath the onely right tearmes inuectiue, and triumpheth ouer all the spirites of Contradiction. You that haue read Luther against the Pope; Sadolet, Longolius, Omphalius, Osorius against Luther; Caluin against Sadolet; Melanchthon against Longolius; Sturmius against Omphalius; Haddon against Osorius; Baldwin againste Caluin; Beza againste Baldwin; Erastus against Beza; Trauers against Erastus; Sutcliff against Trauers; and so foorth (for there is no ende of endlesse controuersies: nor Bellarmine shall euer satisfye the Protestantes; nor Whittaker contente the Papistes; nor Bancroft appease the Precisians; nor any reason pacify affection; nor any authority resolue obstinacy); you that haue most diligently read these, and these, and sundry other reputed excellente in their kindes, cast them all away, and read him alone that can schoole them all in their tearmes inuectiue, and teacheth a new-found Arte of confuting, his all-onely Arte. Martin himselfe but a meacocke, and Papp-hatchet himselfe but a milkesop to him, that inditeth with a penne of fury and the incke of vengeance, and hath cartloades of papershot and chainshot at commaundement. Tush, no man can blason his Armes but himselfe. Behold the mighty Champion, the dubble swordbearer, the redowtable fighter with both handes, that hath robbed William Conquerour of his surname, and in the very first page of his Straunge Newes choppeth off the head of foure Letters at a blow. Hee it is that hath it rightly in him indeede, and can roundly doe the feate with a witnesse. Why, man, he is worth a thousand of these pidlinge and driblinge Confuters that sitt all day buzzing vpon a blunt point or two, and with much adoe drisle out as many sentences in a weeke as he will powre downe in an howre. It is not long since the goodlyest graces of the most noble Common-wealthes vpon Earth, Eloquence in speech and Ciuility in manners, arriued in these remote parts of the world: it was a happy resolution of the heauens, and worthy to be chronicled in an English Liuy, when Tiberis flowed into the Thames, Athens remoued to London, pure Italy and fine Greece planted themselues in rich England, Apollo with his delicate troupe of Muses forsooke his old mountaines and riuers and frequented a new Parnassus and an other Helicon nothinge inferiour to the olde, when they were most solemnely haunted of diuine wittes that taught Rhetorique to speake with applause, and Poetry to sing with admiration. But euen since that flourishing transplantation of the daintiest and sweetest lerning that humanitie euer tasted, Arte did but springe in such as Sir Iohn Cheeke and M. Ascham, & witt budd in such as Sir Phillip Sidney & M. Spencer, which were but the violetes of March or the Primeroses of May, till the one began to sprowte in M. Robart Greene, as in a sweating Impe of the euer-greene Laurell, the other to blossome in M. Pierce Pennilesse, as in the riche garden of pore Adonis, both to growe to perfection in M. Thomas Nashe, whose prime is a haruest, whose Arte a misterie, whose witt a miracle, whose stile the onely life of the presse and the very hart-blood of the Grape. There was a kind of smooth, and clenly, and neate, and fine elegancy before (proper men, handsome giftes), but alacke nothing liuelie and mightie like the braue vino de monte, till his frisking penne began to playe the Sprite of the buttry, and to teache his mother tongue such lusty gambolds as may make the gallantest French, Italian, or Spanish gagliards to blushe for extreame shame of their ideot simplicitie.
The difference of wittes is exceeding straung and almost incredible. Good lord, how may one man passe a thousand, and a thousande not compare with one? Arte may giue out precepts and directoryes in communi forma; but it is superexcellent witt that is the mother pearle of precious Inuention, and the goulden mine of gorgeous Elocution. Na, it is a certaine pregnant and liuely thing without name, but a queint mistery of mounting conceit, as it were a knacke of dexterity, or the nippitaty of the nappiest grape, that infinitly surpasseth all the Inuention and Elocution in the world, and will bunge Demosthenes owne mouth with new-fangled figures of the right stampe, maugre all the thundering and lightninge Periodes of his eloquentest orations, forlorne creatures. I haue had some prettie triall of the finest Tuscanisme in graine, and haue curiously obserued the cunningest experiments and brauest complements of aspiring emulation, but must geeue the bell of singularity to the humorous witt, and the garland of victory to the dominiering Eloquence. I come not yet to the Praise of the olde Asse: it is young Apuleius that feedeth vpon this glory: and hauing enclosed these rancke commons to the proper vse of himselfe & the capricious flocke, adopteth whom he listeth without exception; as Alexander the great had a huge intention to haue all men his subiectes, and all his subiectes called Alexanders. It was strange newes for some to be so assefied; and a worke of Supererogation for him so bountifully to vouchsafe his golden name the appropriate cognisance of his noble stile. God-night, poore Rhetorique of sorry bookes! adieu, good old Humanity! gentle Artes and Liberall Sciences, content your selues! Farewell my deere moothers, sometime floorishing Vniuersities! Some that haue long continued your sonnes in Nature, your apprentises in Arte, your seruauntes in Exercise, your louers in affection, and your vassalles in duety, must either take their leaues of their sweetest freendes, or become the slaues of that dominiering eloquence that knoweth no Art but the cutting Arte, nor acknowledgeth any schoole but the Curtisan schoole. The rest is pure naturall, or wondrous supernaturall. Would it were not an infectious bane or an incroching pocke! Let me not bee mistaken by sinister construction, that wreasteth and wrigleth euery sillable to the worst. I haue no reference to my selfe, but to my superiours by incomparable degrees. To be a Ciceronian is a flowting stocke: poore Homer, a wofull wight, may put his finger in a hole, or in his blind eye: the excellentest histories and woorthiest Chronicles (inestimable monumentes of wisdome and valour) what but stale Antickes? the flowers and fruites of delicate humanity, that were wont to be dainetily and tenderly conserued, now preserued with dust, as it were with sugar, and with hoare, as it were with hoony! That frisking wine, & that liuely knacke in the right capricious veine, the onely booke that holdeth out with a countenance, and will be heard, when woorme-toungued Oratours, dust-footed Poets, and weather-wise historians shall not bee allowed a woord to cast at a dogg! There is a fatall Period of whatsoeuer wee terme flourishinge: the worlde runneth on wheeles, and there must be a vent for all thinges. The Ciceronian may sleepe til the Scogginist hath plaid his part; one sure Conny-catcher woorth twenty Philosophers; a phantasticall rimester more vendible then the notablest Mathematician; no profession to the faculty of rayling; all harsh or obscure that tickleth not idle phantasies with wanton dalliance or ruffianly iestes. Robin Good-fellow the meetest Autor for Robin Hoodes Library; the lesse of Cambridge or Oxforde the fitter to compile woorkes of Supererogation; and wee that were simply trayned after the Athenian and Romane guise must bee contente to make roome for roisters that know their place and will take it. Titles and tearmes are but woordes of course; the right fellow that beareth a braine can knocke twenty titles on the head at a stroke, and with a iugling shift of that same inuincible knacke defende himselfe manfully at the Paper-barre. Though I be not greatly employed, yet my leisure will scarsely serue to moralize Fables of Beares, Apes, and Foxes (some men can giue a shrewd gesse at a courtly allegory), but where Lordes in expresse tearmes are magnifically contemned, Doctours in the same stile may be courageously confuted. Liberty of Tongue and Pen is no Bondman; nippitaty will not be tied to a post; there is a cap of maintenaunce called Impudency; and what say to him that in a superabundaunce of that same odd capricious humour findeth ‘no such want in England as of an Aretine, that might stripp these golden Asses out of their gay trappinges, and, after he had ridden them to death with rayling, leaue them on the dunghill for carrion’? A frolicke mind and a braue spirit to be employed with his stripping instrument, in supply of that onely want of a diuine Aretine, the great rider of golden Asses! Were his penne as supererogatory a woorkeman as his harte, or his liues such transcendentes as his thoughtes, Lord, what an egregious Aretine should we shortly haue, how excessiuely exceeding Aretine himselfe, that bestowed the surmountingest amplifications at his pleasure, and was a meere Hyperbole incarnate! Time may worke an accomplishment of woonders, and his graund intentions seeme to prognosticate no lesse then the vttermost possibilities of capacity or fury extended. Would God, or could the Diuell, giue him that vnmeasurable allowance of witt and Arte that he extreamely affecteth, and infinitely wanteth, there were no encounter but of admiration and honour….
‘Well, my maisters, you may talke your pleasures of Tom Nash, who yet sleepeth secure, not without preiudice to some that might be more ielous of their name; but assure your selues if M. Penniles had not bene deepely plunged in a profound extasie of knauery, M. Pierce had neuer written that famous worke of Supererogation, that now stayneth all the bookes in Paules churchyard and setteth both the vniuersites to schoole. Till I see your finest humanitie bestow such a liberall exhibition of conceit and courage vpon your neatest wittes, pardon me though I prefer one smart Pamflet of knauery before ten blundring volumes of the nine Muses. Dreaming and smoke amount alike: Life is a gaming, a iugling, a scoulding, a lawing, a skirmishing, a warre, a Comedie, a Tragedy; the sturring witt, a quintessence of quicksiluer; and there is noe deade fleshe in affection or courage. You may discourse of Hermes ascending spirit, of Orpheus enchanting harpe, of Homers diuine furie, of Tyrtæus enraging trumpet, of Pericles bounsinge thunderclaps, of Platos enthusiasticall rauishment, and I wott not what maruelous egges in mooneshine, but a flye for all your flying speculations when one good fellow with his odd iestes, or one madd knaue with his awke hibber-gibber, is able to putt downe twentye of your smuggest artificiall men that simper it so nicely and coylie in their curious pointes. Try, when you meane to be disgraced; & neuer giue me credit if Sanguine witt putt not Melancholy Arte to bedd. I had almost said all the figures of Rhetorique must abate me an ace of Pierces Supererogation; and Penniles hath a certayne nimble and climbinge reach of Inuention, as good as a long pole and a hooke that neuer fayleth at a pinch. It were vnnaturall, as the sweete Emperour Marcus Antoninus said, that the fig-tree should euer want iuice. You that purpose with great summes of studdy & candles to purchase the worshipfull names of Dunses & Dodipoles may closely sitt or sokingly ly at your bookes; but you that intende to be fine companionable gentlemen, smirking wittes, and whipsters in the world, betake yee timely to the liuely practis of the minion profession, and enure your Mercuriall fingers to frame semblable workes of Supererogation. Certes, other rules are fopperies; and they that will seeke out the Archmistery of the busiest Modernistes shall find it nether more nor lesse then a certayne pragmaticall secret, called Villany, the verie science of sciences, and the Familiar Spirit of Pierces Supererogation. Coosen not yourselues with the gay nothings of children & schollers: no priuitie of learning, or inspiration of witt, or reuelation of misteryes, or Arte Notory, counteruayleable with Pierces Supererogation; which, hauing none of them, hath them all, and can make them all Asses at his pleasure. The Book-worme was neuer but a pickgoose: it is the Multiplying spirit, not of the Alchimist but of the villanist, that knocketh the naile one the head, and spurreth outt farther in a day then the quickest Artist in a weeke. Whiles other are reading, wryting, conferring, arguing, discoursing, experimenting, platforminge, musing, buzzing, or I know not what, that is the spirrit that with a woondrous dexterity shapeth exquisite workes, and atchieueth puissant exploites of Supererogation. O my good frends, as ye loue the sweete world, or tender your deare selues, be not vnmindfull what is good for the aduauncement of your commendable partes. All is nothing without aduancement. Though my experience be a Cipher in these causes, yet hauing studiously perused the newe Arte-notory, that is, the foresaid Supererogation, and hauing shaken so manie learned asses by the eares, as it were by the hands, I could say no lesse, and might think more.’
Something else was vttered the same time by the same Gentleman, aswell concerning the present state of France, which he termed the most vnchristian kingdome of the most christian kinge, as touching certaine other newes of I wott not what dependence; but my minde was running on my halfpeny, and my head so full of the foresaid round discourse, that my hand was neuer quyet vntill I had altered the tytle of this Pamphlet, and newlie christened it Pierces Supererogation: aswell in remembrance of the saide discourse as in honour of the appropriate vertues of Pierce himselfe; who aboue all the writers that euer I knew shall go for my money where the currantest forgery, impudency, arrogancy, phantasticalitie, vanity, and great store of little discretion may go for payment, and the filthiest corruption of abhominable villany passe vnlaunced. His other miraculous perfections are still in abeyance; and his monstrous excellencyes in the predicament of Chimera. The birde of Arabia is longe in hatchinge; and mightye workes of Supererogation are not plotted & accomplished att once. It is pittie so hyperbolicall a conceite, ouerhawty for the surmounting rage of Tasso in his furious agony, should be humbled with so diminitiue a witt, base enough for Elderton and the riffe-raffe of the scribling rascality. I haue heard of many disparagementes in felowship, but neuer saw so great Impudency married to so little witt, or so huge presumption allyed to so petty performance. I must not paint, though hee dawbe. Pontan, decipher thy vauntinge Alopantius Ausimarchides a new; and Terence, display thy boastinge Thraso a new; and Plautus, addresse thy vain-glorious Pyrgopolinices anew: heere is a bratt of Arrogancy, a gosling of the Printing-house that can teach your braggardes to play their partes in the Printe of woonder, & to exploit redowtable workes of Supererogation, such as neuer were atchieued in Latin or Greeke. Which deserue to bee looked for with such a longing expectation as the Iewes looke for their kingly Messias, or as I looke for Agrippas dreadfull Pyromachy; for Cardans multiplied matter that shall delude the force of the Canon; for Ancontius perfect Arte of fortifieng little townes against the greatest Battery; for the Iliades of all Courtly Stratagems that Antony Riccobonus magnifically promiseth; for his vniuersall Repertory of all Histories, contayning the memorable actes of all ages, all places, and all persons; for the new Calepine of all learned and vulgar languages, written or spoken, whereof a loud rumour was lately published at Basill; for a generall Pandectes of the Lawes and statutes of all nations and commonwealthes in the worlde, largely promised by Doctor Peter Gregorius, but compendiously perfourmed in his Syntagma Iuris vniuersi; for sundry such famous volumes of hugy miracles in the cloudes. Do not such Arch-woondermentes of supernaturall furniture deserue arch-expectation? What should the Sonnes of Arte dreame of the Philosophers Stone, that, like Midas, turneth into golde whatsoeuer it toucheth: or of the soueraine and diuine Quintessence, that, like Esculapius, restoreth health to sicknesse; like Medea, youth to Olde-age; like Apollonius, life to Death? No Philosophers Stone or soueraine Quintessence, howsoeuer preciously precious, equiualent to such diuine woorkes of supererogation! O high-minded Pierce, hadd the traine of your woordes and sentences bene aunswearable to the retinue of your bragges and threates, or the robes of your apparaunce in person suteable to the weedes of your ostentation in tearmes, I would surely haue beene the first that should haue proclaimed you the most singuler Secretary of this language, & the heauenliest creature vnder the Spheres. Sweete M. Ascham, that was a flowing spring of humanity, and worthy Sir Phillip Sidney, that was a florishing spring of nobility, must haue pardoned me: I would directly haue charged my conscience. But you must giue plaine men leaue to vtter their opinion without courtinge: I honor high heads that stand vpon low feet; & haue no great affection to the gay fellows that build vp with their clambring hartes, and pull downe with their vntoward hands. Giue me the man that is meeke in spirit, lofty in zeale, simple in presumption, gallant in endeuor, poore in profession, riche in performance. Some such I knowe; and all such I value highly. They glory not of the golden stone, or the youthfull Quintessence: but Industrie is their goulden Stone; Action their youthfull Quintessence; and Valour their diuine worke of Supererogation….
Ingland, since it was Ingland, neuer bred more honorable mindes, more aduenturous hartes, more valorous handes, or more excellent wittes then of late: it is enough for Filly-folly to intoxicate it selfe, though it be not suffered to defyle the lande, which the water enuironeth, the Earth enritcheth, the aier ensweeteneth, and the Heauen blesseth. The bounteous graces of God are sowen thicke, but come vp thin; corruption hath little need to be fostred; wantonnesse wilbe a nurse, a bawde, a Poet, a Legend to itselfe; vertue hath much-a-doe to hold out inuiolably her purposed course; Resolution is a forward fellow, and Valour a braue man; but affections are infectious, and appetite must sometime haue his swinge. Were Appetite a loyall subiect to Reason, and Will an affectionate seruant to Wisdom, as Labour is a dutifull vassal to Commodity, and Trauail a flying post to Honour, O heauens, what exploites of worth, or rather what miracles of excellency might be atcheeued in an age of Pollicy & a world of Industry! The date of idle vanityes is expired: awaye with these scribling paltryes. There is an other Sparta in hande that indeede requireth Spartan Temperance, Spartan Frugality, Spartan exercise, Spartan valiancye, Spartan perseuerance, Spartan inuincibility, and hath no wanton leasure for the Comedyes of Athens, nor anye bawdy howers for the songes of Priapus or the rymes of Nashe. Had he begun to Aretinize when Elderton began to ballat, Gascoine to sonnet, Turberuile to madrigal, Drant to versify, or Tarleton to extemporise, some parte of his phantasticall bibble-bables and capricious panges might haue bene tollerated in a greene and wild youth; but the winde is chaunged, & there is a busier pageant vpon the stage. M. Aschams Toxophilus long sithence shot at a fairer marke; and M. Gascoigne himselfe, after some riper experience, was glad to trye other conclusions in the Lowe Countryes, and bestowed an honorable commendation vpon Sir Humfrye Gilbertes gallant discourse of a discouery for a newe passage to the East Indyes. But read the report of the worthy Westerne discoueries, by the said Sir Humfry Gilbert; the report of the braue West-Indian voyage by the conduction of Sir Frauncis Drake; the report of the horrible Septentrionall discoueryes by the trauail of Sir Martin Forbisher; the report of the politique discouery of Virginia by the Colony of Sir Walter Raleigh; the report of sundry other famous discoueryes & aduentures, published by M. Rychard Hackluit in one volume, a worke of importance; the report of the hoatt wellcom of the terrible Spanishe Armada to the coast of Inglande, that came in glory and went in dishonour; the; report of the redoubted voyage into Spaine and Portugall, whence the braue Earle of Essex and the twoo valorous Generals, Sir Iohn Norris and Sir Frauncis Drake, returned with honour; the report of the resolute encounter about the Iles Azores, betwixt the Reuenge of Ingland and an Armada of Spaine, in which encounter braue Sir Richard Grinuile most vigorously & impetuously attempted the extreamest possibilities of valour and fury. For breuity I ouerskipp many excellent Traicts of the same or the like nature: but reade these, and M. William Borrowghes notable discourse of the variation of the compas or magneticall needle, annexed to the new Attractiue of Robert Norman, Hydrographer; vnto which two Ingland in some respectes is as much beholding as Spayne vnto Martin Cortes & Peter de Medina for the Arte of Nauigation: and when you haue obserued the course of Industry, examined the antecedents and consequents of Trauail, compared Inglish and Spanish valour, measured the Forces of both parties, weighed euery circumstance of Aduantage, considered the Meanes of our assurance, and finally found proffit to be our pleasure, prouision our security, labour our honour, warfare our welfare—who of reckoning can spare anye lewde or vaine tyme for corrupt pamphlets, or who of iudgment will not cry away with these paultringe fidle-faddles?…
And now whiles I consider what a Trompet of Honour Homer hath bene to sturre vp many woorthy Princes, I cannot forget the woorthy Prince that is a Homer to himselfe, a Golden spurre to Nobility, a Scepter to Vertue, a Verdure to the Spring, a Sunne to the day, and hath not onely translated the two diuine Poems of Salustius du Bartas, his heauenly Vrany, and his hellish Furies, but hath readd a most valorous Martial Lecture vnto himselfe in his owne victorious Lepanto, a short, but heroicall, worke, in meeter, but royal meeter, fitt for a Dauids harpe—Lepanto, first the glory of Christendome against the Turke, and now the garland of a soueraine crowne. When young Kings haue such a care of their flourishing Prime, and, like Cato, are ready to render an accompt of their vacant howers, as if Aprill were their Iuly, and May their August, how should gentlemen of yeeres employ the golden talent of their Industry and trauaile? with what feruency, with what vigour, with what zeale, with what incessant and indefatigable endeuour? Phy vpon fooleries: there be honourable woorkes to doe, and notable workes to read. The afore-named Bartas (whome elsewhere I haue stiled the Treasurer of Humanity and the Ieweller of Diuinity), for the highnesse of his subiect and the maiesty of his verse nothing inferiour vnto Dante (whome some Italians preferre before Virgil or Homer), a right inspired and enrauished Poet, full of chosen, graue, profound, venerable, and stately matter, euen in the next Degree to the sacred and reuerend stile of heauenly Diuinity it selfe; in a manner the onely Poet whome Vrany hath voutsafed to Laureate with her owne heauenly hand, and worthy to bee alleadged of Diuines and Counsellours, as Homer is quoted of Philosophers & Oratours. Many of his solemne verses are oracles; & one Bartas, that is, one French Salomon, more weighty in stern and mighty counsell then the Seauen Sages of Greece. Neuer more beauty in vulgar Languages; but his stile addeth fauour and grace to beauty, and in a goodly Boddy representeth a puissant Soule. How few verses carry such a personage of state? or how few argumentes such a spirite of maiesty? Or where is the diuine instincte that can sufficiently commend such a volume of celestiall inspiration? What a iudgement hath the noble youth, the haruest of the Spring, the sapp of Apollos tree, the diademe of the Muses, that leaueth the enticingest flowers of delite, to reape the fruites of wisdome?…
But how insolently soeuer grose Ignorance presumeth of itselfe (none so hawty as the basest Bussard), or how desperatly soeuer foole-hardy Ambition aduaunceth his owne colours (none so foole-hardy as the blindest Hobb), I haue seldome read a more garish and pibald stile in any scribling Inkhornist, or tasted a more vnsauory slaum-paump of wordes and sentences in any sluttish Pamfletter that denounceth not defiance against the rules of Oratory and the directions of the English Secretary: which may here and there stumble vpon some tolerable sentence, neighbourly borrowed, or featly picked out of some fresh Pamflet, but shall neuer finde three sentences togither worth any allowance; and as for a fine or neat period, in the dainty and pithy Veyne of Isocrates or Xenophon, marry, that were a periwig of a Siren, or a wing of the very bird of Arabia, an inestimable relique. Tush, a point: neither curious Hermogenes, nor trim Isocrates, nor stately Demosthenes, are for his tooth, nor painting Tully, nor caruing Cæsar, nor purple-dying Liuy for his humour. It is for Cheeke or Ascham to stand leuelling of Colons, or squaring of Periods, by measure and number: his penne is like a spigot, and the Wine presse a dullard to his Ink-presse. There is a certaine liuely and frisking thing of a queint and capricious nature, as peerlesse as namelesse, and as admirable as singular, that scorneth to be a booke-woorme, or to imitate the excellentest artificiality of the most renowned worke-masters that antiquity affourdeth. The witt of this & that odd Modernist is their owne; & no such minerall of richest Art as prægnant Nature, the plentifullest woombe of rare Inuention, and exquisite Elocution. Whuist Art! and Nature aduaunce thy precious Selfe in thy most gorgeous and magnificent robes! and if thy new descant be so many notes aboue old Æla, Good-now be no niggard of thy sweet accents & heauenly harmony, but teach the antike muses their right Leripup! Desolate Eloquence and forlorne Poetry, thy most humble Suppliants in forma pauperum, cladd in mournefull and dreery weedes, as becommeth their lamentable case, lye prostrate at thy dainty foote, and adore the Idoll-excellency of thy monstrous Singularity! O stately Homer, and lofty Pindarus, whose witt mounteth like Pegasus, whose verse streameth like Nilus, whose Inuention flameth like Ætna, whose Elocution rageth like Sirius, whose passion blustereth like Boreas, whose reason breatheth like Zephirus, whose nature sauoreth like Tempe, and whose Art perfumeth like Paradise: O the mightiest Spirites of couragious Vigour, of whom the delicate Grecian, worthy Roman, and gallant Vulgar Muses learned their shrillest tunes and hyperbolicall notes: O the fiercest Trompets of heroicall Valour, that with the straunge Sympathy of your diuine Fury, and with thossame piercing motions of heauenly inspiration were woont to rauish the affections, and euen to mealt the bowels of brauest mindes; see, see what a woondrous quaime! But peace, milkemaide, you will still be shaming yourselfe and your bringing-vpp! Hadst thou learned to discerne the fairest face of Eloquence from the fowlest visage of Barbarisme, or the goodlyest frame of Method from the ill-fauoredest shape of Confusion, as thou canst descry the finest flower from the coursest branne, or the sweetest creame from the sowrest whey, peraduenture thou wouldest dote vpon the bewtifull and dainty feature of that naturall stile, that appropriate stile, vpon which himselfe is so deepely inamored. I would it were out of peraduenture: no man more greedy to behold that miraculous Art of emprooued Nature. He may malapertly bragge in the vaine ostentation of his owne naturall conceit, and, if it please him, make a Golden Calfe of his woodden stuffe, but shewe me any halfe page without piperly phrases and tinkerly composition, and say I am the simplest Artist that euer looked fayre Rhetorique or sweet Poetry in the face. It is the destiny of our language to be pestred with a rablement of botchers in Print; but what a shamefull shame is it for him that maketh an Idoll of his owne penne, and raiseth vpp an huge expectation of paper-miracles (as if Hermes Trismegist were newly risen from the dead, and personally mounted vpon Danters Presse), to emprooue himselfe as ranke a bungler in his mightiest worke of Supererogation as the starkest Patch-pannell of them all, or the grosest hammer-drudge in a country. He disdaineth Thomas Delone, Philip Stubs, Robert Armin, and the common Pamfletters of London, euen the painfullest Chroniclers tooe, bicause they stand in his way, hinder his scribling traffique, obscure his resplendishing Fame, or haue not Chronicled him in their Catalogues of the renowned moderne Autors, as he meritoriously meriteth, and may peraduenture be remembred hereafter. But may not Thomas Delone, Philip Stubs, Robert Armin, and the rest of those misused persons more disdainfully disdaine him, bicause he is so much vayner, so little learneder, so nothing eleganter then they; and they so much honester, so little obscurer, so nothing contemptibler then he? Surely, Thomas, it were pollicy to boast lesse with Thomas Delone, or to atchieue more with Thomas More….
Pap-hatchet (for the name of thy good nature is pittyfully growen out of request) thy olde acquaintance in the Sauoy, when young Euphues hatched the egges that his elder freendes laide (surely Euphues was someway a pretty fellow: would God, Lilly had alwaies bene Euphues, and neuer Pap-hatchet), that old acquaintance, now somewhat straungely saluted with a new remembrance, is neither lullabied with thy sweete Papp nor scarre-crowed with thy sower hatchet. And although in selfe-conceit thou knowest not thy selfe, yet in experience thou mightest haue knowen him that can vnbutton thy vanity and vnlase thy folly, but in pitty spareth thy childish simplicity, that in iudgement scorneth thy roisterly brauery, and neuer thought so basely of thee, as since thou began’st to disguise thy witt and disgrace thy arte with ruffianly foolery. He winneth not most abroad that weeneth most at home: and, in my poore fancy, it were not greatly amisse euen for the pertest and gayest companions (notwithstanding whatsoeuer courtly holly-water, or plausible hopes of preferment) to deigne their olde familiars the continuance of their former courtesies, without contempt of the barrainest giftes or empeachment of the meanest persons. The simplest man in a parish is a shrewd foole, and Humanity an Image of Diuinity, that pulleth downe the hawty and setteth vp the meeke. Euphues, it is good to bee merry: and, Lilly, it is good to bee wise: and, Papp-hatchet, it is better to loose a new iest then an olde frend that can cramme the capon with his owne Papp, and hewe downe the woodcocke with his owne hatchet. Bolde men and marchant Venturers haue sometime good lucke; but happhazard hath oftentimes good leaue to beshrow his owne pate, and to imbarke the hardy foole in the famous Shipp of wisemen. I cannot stand nosing of Candlesticks, or euphuing of Similes, alla Sauoica: it might happly be done with a trice; but euery man hath not the guift of Albertus Magnus; rare birdes are dainty; and they are queint creatures that are priuiledged to create new creatures. When I haue a mint of precious stones, & straunge Foules, beastes, and fishes of mine owne coyning (I could name the party, that in comparison of his owne naturall Inuentions tearmed Pliny a barraine woombe), I may peraduenture blesse you with your owne crosses, & pay you with the vsury of your owne coyne. In the meane while beare with a plaine man, as plaine as olde Accursius, or Barthol. de Saxoferrato, that wil make his Censure good vpon the carrion of thy vnsauory and stincking Pamflett, a fitt booke to be ioyned with Scoggins woorkes, or the French Mirrour of Madnesse. The very Title discouereth the wisedome of the young man; as an olde Fox not long since bewrayed himselfe by a flap of his taile; and a Lion, they say, is soon descried by his pawe, a Cocke by his combe, a Goat by his bearde, an Asse by his eare, a wiseman by his tale, an artist by his tearmes.