Before the House of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus. | |
| |
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR. | |
| Ant. E. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; | |
| My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours; | 4 |
| Say that I linger’d with you at your shop | |
| To see the making of her carkanet, | |
| And that to-morrow you will bring it home. | |
| But here’s a villain, that would face me down | 8 |
| He met me on the mart, and that I beat him, | |
| And charg’d him with a thousand marks in gold, | |
| And that I did deny my wife and house. | |
| Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? | 12 |
| Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know; | |
| That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show: | |
| If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave were ink, | |
| Your own handwriting would tell you what I think. | 16 |
| Ant. E. I think thou art an ass. | |
| Dro. E. Marry, so it doth appear | |
| By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. | |
| I should kick, being kick’d; and, being at that pass, | 20 |
| You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass. | |
| Ant. E. You are sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God, our cheer | |
| May answer my good will and your good welcome here. | |
| Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear. | 24 |
| Ant. E. O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, | |
| A table-full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. | |
| Bal. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. | |
| Ant. E. And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words. | 28 |
| Bal. Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast. | |
| Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest: | |
| But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; | |
| Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. | 32 |
| But soft! my door is lock’d. Go bid them let us in. | |
| Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn! | |
| Dro. S. [Within.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! | |
| Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch. | 36 |
| Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store, | |
| When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door. | |
| Dro. E. What patch is made our porter?—My master stays in the street. | |
| Dro. S. [Within.] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on’s feet. | 40 |
| Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho! open the door. | |
| Dro. S. [Within.] Right, sir; I’ll tell you when, an you’ll tell me wherefore. | |
| Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not din’d to-day. | |
| Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you may. | 44 |
| Ant. E. What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe? | |
| Dro. S. [Within.] The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio. | |
| Dro. E. O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name: | |
| The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame. | 48 |
| If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, | |
| Thou wouldst have chang’d thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass. | |
| Luce. [Within.] What a coil is there, Dromio! who are those at the gate? | |
| Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce. | 52 |
| Luce. [Within.] Faith, no; he comes too late; | |
| And so tell your master. | |
| Dro. E. O Lord! I must laugh. | |
| Have at you with a proverb: Shall I set in my staff? | 56 |
| Luce. [Within.] Have at you with another: that’s—when? can you tell? | |
| Dro. S. [Within.] If thy name be call’d Luce,—Luce, thou hast answer’d him well. | |
| Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion? you’ll let us in, I trow? | |
| Luce. [Within.] I thought to have ask’d you. | 60 |
| Dro. S. [Within.] And you said, no. | |
| Dro. E. So come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow. | |
| Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in. | |
| Luce. [Within.] Can you tell for whose sake? | 64 |
| Dro. E. Master, knock the door hard. | |
| Luce. [Within.] Let him knock till it ache. | |
| Ant. E. You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down. | |
| Luce. [Within.] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? | 68 |
| Adr. [Within.] Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise? | |
| Dro. S. [Within.] By my troth your town is troubled with unruly boys. | |
| Ant. E. Are you there, wife? you might have come before. | |
| Adr. [Within.] Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the door. | 72 |
| Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this ‘knave’ would go sore. | |
| Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would fain have either. | |
| Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither. | |
| Dro. E. They stand at the door, master: bid them welcome hither. | 76 |
| Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in. | |
| Dro. E. You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. | |
| Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold: | |
| It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold. | 80 |
| Ant. E. Go fetch me something: I’ll break ope the gate. | |
| Dro. S. [Within.] Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate. | |
| Dro. E. A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind: | |
| Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind. | 84 |
| Dro. S. [Within.] It seems thou wantest breaking: out upon thee, hind! | |
| Dro. E. Here’s too much ‘out upon thee!’ I pray thee, let me in. | |
| Dro. S. [Within.] Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin. | |
| Ant. E. Well, I’ll break in. Go borrow me a crow. | 88 |
| Dro. E. A crow without feather? Master, mean you so? | |
| For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather: | |
| If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together. | |
| Ant. E. Go get thee gone: fetch me an iron crow. | 92 |
| Bal. Have patience, sir; O! let it not be so; | |
| Herein you war against your reputation, | |
| And draw within the compass of suspect | |
| The unviolated honour of your wife. | 96 |
| Once this,—your long experience of her wisdom, | |
| Her sober virtue, years, and modesty, | |
| Plead on her part some cause to you unknown; | |
| And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse | 100 |
| Why at this time the doors are made against you. | |
| Be rul’d by me: depart in patience, | |
| And let us to the Tiger all to dinner; | |
| And about evening come yourself alone, | 104 |
| To know the reason of this strange restraint. | |
| If by strong hand you offer to break in | |
| Now in the stirring passage of the day, | |
| A vulgar comment will be made of it, | 108 |
| And that supposed by the common rout | |
| Against your yet ungalled estimation, | |
| That may with foul intrusion enter in | |
| And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; | 112 |
| For slander lives upon succession, | |
| For ever housed where it gets possession. | |
| Ant. E. You have prevail’d: I will depart in quiet, | |
| And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry. | 116 |
| I know a wench of excellent discourse, | |
| Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle: | |
| There will we dine: this woman that I mean, | |
| My wife,—but, I protest, without desert,— | 120 |
| Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal: | |
| To her will we to dinner. [To ANGELO.] Get you home, | |
| And fetch the chain; by this I know ’tis made: | |
| Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine; | 124 |
| For there’s the house: that chain will I bestow, | |
| Be it for nothing but to spite my wife, | |
| Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste. | |
| Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, | 128 |
| I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me. | |
| Ang. I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence. | |
| Ant. E. Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense. [Exeunt. | |
